A Journey Through the Wilderness (Repost)
This article was originally written and posted by Paula Harrington on December 16, 2023Deconstructing: A Journey Through the Wilderness
There’s a tattered Post-it note next to my laptop with the words, “Make Jesus Look Good” scribbled across, haphazardly. I was listening to a Rick Atchley sermon at the time.
I would read that yellow post-it while writing and editing articles for various faith-based publications. Or while writing lessons for Children and Adult Bible classes. And when my writings opened doors across the country that led to speaking engagements, I looked at it while writing sermons.
Three years ago after being blindsided, I found myself in a downward religious spiral. During this time, I realized some of the deep truths that I always held to so tightly seemed to be fluttering away.
I wish I could say this was liberating, but at first, it was devastating. I grieved what I once knew. Words were fleeting as I tried to put them into articles and lessons. Things begin to change. I began to change. Praying felt foreign. I turned down three local ministry positions. There were sleepless nights, days of reaching out to trusted mentors, many tears, and books. Lots of books. That post-it note with the words that had once brought me close to God now seemed harder to understand than before. I was on a journey I never would have chosen.
Losing The Children
Several years ago, I watched a teen come to Christ. I had watched this kid grow up, learn Scripture, excel at Bible Bowl, and have a heart for the poor and marginalized. I sat with him one day right after he had become a Christian and listened as he shared the story of the members of his congregation who had added him as a friend on social media, and how excited he was about that. He wasn’t the only one. I remember telling a friend, in a different state, that this church knew how to connect with the next generation.
And then the 2016 election happened.
And then COVID.
The next time we spoke he told me about the political memes, the bullying, the false news articles that were shared repeatedly, the categorizing entire groups of people and then easily demonizing them, and the wedge all this had created. He sighed when he mentioned the older Christians who had first added him on social media. “I finally had to get off Facebook,” he said.
Deconstruction
Deconstruction has been around for a long time. Someone, a lot smarter than me, said it goes back to the days when Jesus would say, “You have heard it was said- but I tell you.”
Shedding what we thought we knew to understand and accept the truth is worth the bewilderment.
Deconstruction is a nuanced process that usually begins when we start realizing that we’re not sure if we completely agree with everything we have been taught within our religious movements. It is an active confronting of the discrepancies between our personal values and the dogma we’ve learned along the way, which usually leads to a reevaluation of our faith. It can be brought on by trauma at the hands of religious leaders or by watching those we hold in high esteem navigate their own way through life. It can even result from serious Bible study. The process of religious deconstruction is emotionally challenging. It can evoke feelings of guilt, fear, shame, isolation, and confusion as individuals grapple with the dissonance between their beliefs and the expectations of their religious communities.
Having the opportunity to walk with those who are navigating their way through the wilderness of deconstruction has been a roller coaster of emotions. Hearing their stories of abuse by church friends and leaders has been maddening. Listening to their joy at discovering church history and how it has reshaped their view of Christianity has been exciting. Seeing their hearts and actions for the poor, the marginalized, and the oppressed, regardless of whether they will ever step foot inside a church building again, has made me hopeful. That’s not something I could’ve looked at joyfully several years ago, but that is a small part of what deconstruction has done for me.
“…they have left a religious institution that taught them who he was and what he did, but then absolutely refused to live like him.”
Churchianity Over Christianity
The majority of the people I have connected with were the youth-group anchors. Always at church. Always willing to serve. Always with a new devotional or worship song. Yet these young people “on fire for the Lord” kept running into a church who wasn’t. A church that excelled at business not ministry. We wanted our kids to “get right with the Lord” but that really meant to conform to our way. Interpret Scripture the way we do. Vote for our favorite political candidate. Dislike and distrust the same groups of people we do. And all this left our youth believing that church was about belonging and acceptance only, instead of transformation. Live like us and you’ll be accepted. Live like Jesus and we’re going to have problems. Too many of our kids saw right through the cognitive dissonance and thank goodness they did. Some of them haven’t left Jesus, but they have left a religious institution that taught them who he was and what he did, but then absolutely refused to live like him.
While some proclaimed that God needed protecting and defending from our sinful culture, others stepped into the fray to help the poor, oppressed, and marginalized and then found out they were no longer welcomed into the neat and orderly worship services of their church. One that, in many places, has been turned into an idol. Others are finding out that family members care more about their political views than them. The last few years have seemed to highlight the church’s many faults and the young people want something genuine. Who can blame them?
Maybe those who are deconstructing are the ones who have realized that you can’t stay within a toxic institution and make Jesus look good anymore. Maybe they’re closer to Jesus than we have ever been.
Several, working their way through deconstruction, have embraced atheism. That group doesn’t necessarily need prayers. They need a church to start showing the world who Jesus is because nothing makes you second guess the Bible more than Christians being jerks.
Tips for Those Struggling
Be patient with yourself. Deconstruction often looks different for every person.
Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who have experienced religious deconstruction. Connecting with others who understand this journey can provide a sense of community and validation.
Respect the journey and wherever it takes you.
Take comfort in the fact that you owe no one an explanation.
Take care of yourself physically, as well as, mentally. Seek mental health services specializing in religious trauma, if need be. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore emotions and develop coping strategies.
Set clear boundaries with individuals or communities who may be unsupportive or harmful to your mental health. Prioritize self-care and surround yourself with those who will respect your journey.
If someone you know and love seems to be deconstructing, you’re not alone. You may be fearful, but I encourage you to refuse to let fear steal this relationship. Be open to learning.
Deconstructing is extremely personal. Be willing to listen but don’t pry. You may not get all the information and that’s okay.
Let go of the false assumption that you can “fix” others.
I still have that yellow post-it note on my desk. God and I still talk about it and as tumultuous as the last few years have been, I’m thankful for the journey and the peace it brought.
Paula Harrington
Eremos Board Member